#21 What do you want?

Mister tells me that I can never answer a question with just a yes or no.  I don't think he fully understands the elaborate maze of organized chaos that is my mind. The Hot Mess Express as I affectionately refer to it. But I digress...he is correct. Yes or No, Black or White are hard for me.

On my way to work for the last week or so, I have been listening to Podcasts about this very thing. What Makes You Happy and Breathing Room are both series by Andy Stanley. I love things that help me to figure out my own mess of a life. Lets me know I am not the only person who feels this way. Don't you often feel when you are in the midst of your own craziness of life, that you are maybe somewhat alone in your feelings?  That nobody else could possible be this messed up? Well I sure do. So listening and reading things like this really help me put into perspective how normal and most times trivial my issues are. On Friday while driving to work and finishing the last of Breathing Room series, I could feel God really speaking to me. Asking "What Do You Want?"

In true Laurie form I couldn't answer. I want lots of things but then..nothing at all really. Are you asking for fantasy dream wants or practical necessary needs wants? I instantly felt overwhelmed and confused by the question. Again I could hear him as if he was in the seat next to me ask " What Do You Want?" my mind began racing thinking of this thing or a different thing. "WHAT DO YOU WANT!!" I would swear to you I could hear the aggravation in his voice. "Dangit Laurie W H A T...do you want! What do you want?

I couldn't answer. I could feel the tears begin to roll down my cheeks. I don't know! I can't ask? There are too many to list. I don't know? It's wrong to ask! And there is was my friends. It feels wrong for me to ask God for things...stuff. Why is it that we are so afraid to ask our Father, the one who loves us most, for things? I've never been good at asking for anything. I'm like my mama it that regard. I will take and love whatever comes to me.

So today I am working this out. I am making lists. (Have I mentioned I love lists? If not, well I DO) I am writing down my hopes and dreams for our finances, our family, our home, travel, you name it . Tonight I want to share those things with Mister. You know have a meeting of the minds. A state of the UNION if you will. Ah I like that word Union. The coming together of the minds. I don't know where this goes next but I can tell you that I am excited about the future. I'm making plans for the first time in a very long time. Hope is an amazing cure for what ails you. Hope lifts you. Hope floats (another great movie)  all possibilities to the top.

Life is so short folks. Wouldn't it be great if we just went out and lived it instead of hiding from it? Living this day to day stuff, trying to make it through till tomorrow is not going to cut it any longer.

Cheers to making list of Dreams & Wants.